


The Dragon Age: Inquisition Chat Fic No One Asked For

by the_painted_lady



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, But here you go, F/F, F/M, Group chat, M/M, chatfic, honestly, no one asked for this, reference to anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2018-09-13 21:17:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9142666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_painted_lady/pseuds/the_painted_lady
Summary: They're all in university, and they're all themselves. Let the chaos begin.





	1. Does Anyone Have A Clean Shirt

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Overwatch Emergency Communication Channel (I Swear, It's Emergency Only)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7324573) by [ArcaneAdagio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArcaneAdagio/pseuds/ArcaneAdagio). 



> Please know that I got the idea for this while on holiday, and so some parts are still a little ungrounded and unfinished, but please enjoy it! If you have any questions just DM me or send me a tweet on my twitter (@SATANNED) and I'll get back to you! Also if you have requests just pop on by! I'm still figuring out the various characters' sexualities so if you'd like to help, please tweet me! Do note that this fic is solely DA:I since those are the characters I'm most familiar with. I'll add the other DA:O and DA:2 characters as we go on! This is my first ever fic, so please be patient with me! Thank you! <3 
> 
> This fic was inspired by Overwatch Emergency Communication Channel (I Swear, It's Emergency Only) by ArcaneAdagio, and The Voltron Chat Fic No One Asked For by Fleep.

**_Sera_ ** _created the group_ **_Does Anyone Have A Clean Shirt_ **

  
**_Sera_ ** _added_ **_And We'll Never Be Royals, The Scary one, The Scary and Hot one, ugly ass Noodlehead™, Saitama, Moustache Man, STEP ON ME MOM, The Cishet White, Bull, Beautiful Hair._ ** ****  
  
[1:51 pm]

  
**_Sera_ ** _has entered the chat_  
**_The Scary One_ ** _has entered the chat_ _  
_ **_Saitama_ ** has entered the chat

   
**The Scary One** : what is this  
****

**The Scary One** : wait why am I The Scary One  
****

**Sera** : oh shit y'all can see your saved names on my phone  
****

**Saitama** : Sera, explain this.

 **_Bull_ ** _has entered the chat_ _  
_ **_Moustache Man_ ** _has entered the chat_

  
**Bull** : IS THIS A GROUP CHAT  
****

**Bull** : SERA U GENIUS  
****

**Bull** : THIS IS THE GREATEST THING TO HAPPEN AFTER CHRISTMAS TREES THAT ROTATE  
****

**Moustache Man** : uh hello?? I exist ??  
****

**Bull** : ur damn right  
****

**Bull** : ur the best thing to happen  
****

**Moustache Man** : I love u

 **_Beautiful Hair_ ** _has entered the chat_

 **Beautiful Hair** : that's gay  
****

**Moustache Man** : yes  
****

**Beautiful Hair** : aw I'm beautiful hair  
****

**Saitama** : Must be nice  
****

**Moustache Man** : I can't believe Sera thinks you have beautiful hair?? We all know I have the best hair here  
****

**Beautiful Hair** : ur being acknowledged for ur facial hair already u don't get to have everything    
****

**Moustache Man** : that's homophobic  
****

**Beautiful Hair** : suck an ass  
****

**Bull** : that's my job  
****

**The Scary One** : wait seriously what are we here for  
****

**Bull** : wait is there a way to change my name

   
**_Bull_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_The Iron Bull_ **

 

 **The Iron Bull** : nice  
****

**The Scary One** : how did u do that  
****

**The Iron Bull** : it's in settings  
****

**The Scary One** : kk thanks

  
**_The Scary One_** _has changed their name to_ ** _Cass_**  
**_Moustache Man_** _has changed their name to_ ** _Dorian_**  
**_Saitama_** _has changed their name to_ ** _Solas_**  
**_Beautiful Hair_** _has changed their name to_ ** _Krem_** _  
_**_Krem_** _has changed their name to_ ** _Krem Brûlée_**

  
**Solas** : Could you answer us, Sera?  
****

**Sera** : wait till everyone's here  
****

**Cass** : why  
****

**Krem Brûlée** : the gc's name is 'does anyone have a clean shirt'   
****

**Krem Brûlée** : sera do u really not have a clean shirt  
****

**Cass** : wait all this is for a clean shirt ??  
****

**Dorian** : Sera I've told u that u can put ur laundry with mine  
****

**Sera** : no LISTEN  
****

**Sera** : god damn it no I need everyone here first  
****

**Sera** : where's Lav?  
****

**Krem Brûlée** : last i heard was she went on an exchange trip with Dagna to The Hinterlands  
****

**Dorian** : isn't The Hinterlands just a huge giant forest  
****

**Krem Brûlée** : they have a few universities there I think  
****

**Dorian** : oh

  
**_And We'll Never Be Royals_ ** _has entered the chat_

  
**And We'll Never Be Royals** : what is my name wtf

  
**_And We'll Never Be Royals_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_Josie_ **

  
**Josie** : Sera ur fuckin rude I am royal I'll let u know  
****

**Sera** : it's not personal I just hate hierarchy and capitalism U know this  
****

**Josie** : Bih I hate living as well but u don't hear me complaining about it  
****

**Cass** : U do Josie  
****

**Dorian** : yeah  
****

**Krem Brûlée** : Josie ur always complaining  
****

**Solas** : Very often, actually.  
****

**The Iron Bull** : usually in the form of self deprecating humour  
****

**Josie** : I hate all of u  
****

**Josie** : I gotta get back to work  
****

**Josie** : I hate having to deal with idiots pray for me  
****

**Cass** : praying  
****

**Krem Brûlée** : god is a social construct  
****

**Solas** : I'll pretend I didn't hear that, Krem.  
****

**Krem Brûlée** : i always pretend I can't hear u when u talk Solas  
****

**Dorian** : bye Josie

  
**_Josie_ ** _has left the chat_

  
  
**Sera** : is everyone here yet  
****

**The Iron Bull** : no  
****

**The Iron Bull** : Josie just left  
****

**Sera** : kk

  
_**The Scary And Hot One** has entered the chat_  
_**The Cishet White** has entered the chat_

  
**The Scary And Hot One** : I'm flattered  
****

**The Iron Bull** : is that leliana  
****

**The Scary And Hot One** : bih u guessed it  
****

**Dorian** : wtf i was looking for u just now where were u  
****

**The Scary And Hot One** : nowhere u need to know  
****

**Dorian** : fair enough  
****

**The Cishet White** : What Is Happening Here  
****

**Cass** : Sera needs a shirt I think  
****

**The Cishet White** : Why Am I Needed Here Then  
****

**Sera** : I wanted to have the whole gang here but Guess what u right  
****

**Sera** : bye rat  
****

**The Cishet White** : Wait What

  
_**Sera** has removed **The Cishet White** _

  
**The Scary And Hot One** : bye bye blackwall

  
_**The Scary And Hot One** has changed their name to **Leliana**_  
_**STEP ON ME MOM** has entered the chat_

  
**STEP ON ME MOM** : what is happening kids  
****

**Solas** : We are waiting for Sera to inform us.  
****

**STEP ON ME MOM** : did literally anyone ask you  
****

**Solas** : OK then.  
****

**Krem Brûlée** : sera made this group and disappeared  
****

**STEP ON ME MOM** : I have places to be people to meet things to see  
****

**Sera** : can someone call Cullen and tell him to be here  
****

**Dorian** : on it

  
_**ugly ass Noodlehead™** _ _has entered the chat_

  
**ugly ass Noodlehead™** : what is this mess  
****

**Dorian** : us. Your friends  
****

**ugly ass Noodlehead™** : unfortunately  
****

**Dorian** : wait I'm gonna add blackwall back  
****

**Sera** : don't bother  
****

**Dorian** : is this because of that one time Blackwall thought he and Lavellan were gonna start dating just bc she told him he had nice shoes  
****

**Sera** : maybe  
****

**The Iron Bull** : ur a whole new level of petty  
****

**Sera** : I'll stand up for Lav she deserves only the best in the world, and Blackwall must've been dreaming if he thought Lav was hitting on him  
****

**The Iron Bull** : that's the longest and most coherent text I've seen u text ever  
****

**Sera** : shUt Pu

  
**_Josie_ ** _has entered the chat_  
**_Dorian_ ** _added_ **_Blackbeard Stan_ ** to the chat

  
**J** **osie** : y'all are still online ?? Wtf y'all doing  
****

**Cass** : waiting on Sera  
****

**Sera** : kk so here's the sitch  
****

**Krem Brûlée** : finally  
****

**Sera** : so. I'm going on a date and I need a nice shirt  
****

**STEP ON ME MOM** : finally heeding my advice on having at least ONE shirt without mustard stains on it??  
****

**Sera** : this is not the time for I Told You So's  
****

**Solas** : When is the date?  
****

**Sera** : in 40 minutes  
****

**Dorian** : HWAT TH E FUC K  
****

**Dorian** : U TWLL US NO W  
****

**Solas** : Technically, she made this group about an hour ago with the title stating her purpose for creating the group, quite clearly.  
****

**ugly ass Noodlehead™** : so all you need is a shirt?  
****

**Sera** : anything that will make me look smart  
****

**Dorian** : that's gonna take more than a shirt hunty

 **Sera** : fuck u SWEATY  
****

**The Iron Bull** : wait Cullen why haven't u changed your name here  
****

**ugly ass Noodlehead™** : well I mean  
****

**ugly ass Noodlehead™** : it isn't entirely wrong  
****

**The Iron Bull** : tru  
****

**Cass** : I'm not lending you any of my shirts again the last time I lent you my red shirt it came back a crop top  
****

**Sera** : I HAVE AN EXPLANATION  
****

**Cass** : KEEP IT  
****

**Blackbeard Stan** : I Still Don't Understand My Role Here  
****

**Sera** : WHO ADDED U BAVK IN HERE  
****

**Dorian** : me i did  
****

**Sera** : NOTHING. DONT DO ANYTHING AT ALL. IM NOT GOING TO RISK ASKING YOU FOR A SHIRT IN CASE YOU THINK IM IN LOVE WITH YOU  
****

**Blackbeard Stan** : Is This Because Of What Happened With Lavellan  
****

**Sera** : SHE DESERVES BETTER THAN SOMEONE WHO TYPES LIKE WVERYTHING IS A FALL OUT BOY SONG TITLE  
****

**Josie** : Blackwall u should probably ask someone to treat that BURN  
****

**Dorian** : AAAAYYY

 **The Iron Bull** : AAAYYYY

 **STEP ON ME MOM** : I can't believe you said "Burn". That's like 2014. 

 **Josie** : Viv you're like 9 months older than me but that doesn't mean jackshit I know u still laugh at the john cena meme

 **STEP ON ME MOM** : no recollection whatsoever of that

 **Leliana** : lmao viv for real??

 **STEP ON ME MOM** : SHUT up I need to drop this boy who's be asking me out on a date from last semester

 **STEP ON ME MOM** : sera my outfits are all Gucci and you're going to hate them

 **Sera** : that's true

 **STEP ON ME MOM** : I gotta break a boy's heart now bye !

 **_STEP ON ME MOM_ ** _has left the chat_

 

 **Josie** : you can wear any of my shirts or dresses or whatever sera but they're mostly gold in colour so if u don't mind looking like a trust fund girl then go ahead

 **Sera** : no thanks and no thanks Josie keep it

 **Josie** : kk sure

 **Blackbeard Stan** : Do You Want My Shirt

 **Sera** : just because I dress androgynous doesn't mean I'll wear ur trash bwall

 **Dorian** : I got a pantsuit the other day u can wear that

 **The Iron Bull** : it's a date not a conference babe

 **Dorian** : that's not what u said last night when i wore it ??

 **Krem Brûlée** : that's fuckin disgusting

 **Dorian** : (;

 **The Iron Bull** : :-*

 **Sera** : I'm not wearing something u used for sexytimes dorian tf

 **Dorian** : if it helps,, i wasn't wearing it WHILE we were fucking

 **Krem** **Brûlée** : please stop talking

 **ugly ass Noodlehead™** : sera I don't have any clean shirts I literally haven't done laundry in 3 weeks because I have like 17 assignments due

 **Cass** : do u ever stop working Cullen

 **ugly ass Noodlehead™** : I haven't had a proper meal in the past 2 weeks and I sleep for a total of 15 hours a week

 **The Iron Bull** : wtf

 **Solas** : You really should have some rest, Cullen.

 **The Iron Bull** : wait sera you hate capitalism but ur going on a date?? That's going to involve money??

 **Sera** : not my type of dates (;

 **The Iron Bull** : what do u mean

 **Leliana** : you're going to Netflix n chill aren't u

 **Sera** : yes

 **ugly ass Noodlehead™** : THATS YM NETFLIX ACCOUTN

 **ugly ass Noodlehead™** : ARE YOU HONESTLY GOING TO POSSIBLY HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE WITH MY NETFLIX PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND

 **The Iron Bull** : that's what the Cool Kids do nowadays grandpa

 **ugly ass Noodlehead™** : NOT TO MY NETFLIX

 **Sera** : ur exempt from this shirt loaning business ur free to go BUT I'm still using ur netflix

 **ugly ass Noodlehead™** : please don't have sex to my Netflix

 **The Iron Bull** : why no more caps cullen

 **Cass** : he's resigned to his fate but he's still trying to dissuade her with whatever strength he has left

 **Dorian** : we acknowledge your mental strength Cullen

 **ugly ass Noodlehead™** : I want to die

 **Josie** : me too hunty u ain't special  

 **Solas** : We are all dying as we speak.

 **Krem Brûlée** : tru

 **Sera** : we're going off topic I need a shirt I have 30 minutes left

 **Cass** : I'm not lending u anything bye

 **Sera** : understandable

 **Josie** : u won't like my clothes

 **Cullen** : I'm exempt because I'm giving up my Netflix for this. And I don't have any clean clothes either

 **Leliana** : my clothes are all monochrome and involve hoods

 **Dorian** : u don't seem to want my pantsuit

 **The Iron Bull** : my clothes are too big for u and u know this

 **Krem Brûlée** : i Guess this leaves me as your last option

 **Krem Brûlée** : i have a cotton shirt that I've seen u eyeing before

 **Sera** : ok thanks Krem !

 **Krem Brûlée** : that was fast

 **Krem Brûlée** : wait

 **Krem Brûlée** : You just wanted my shirt

 **Krem Brûlée** : you KNEW everyone else wouldn't lend u shit for some reason or another

 **Krem Brûlée** : YOU KNEW I’D BE THE ONLY ONE LEFT AND THAT I’D LEND IT TO U

 **The Iron Bull** : My chaotic evil child

 **Krem Brûlée** : i can't believe I fell for this

 **Sera** : thanks krem love u

 **Krem Brûlée** : i hate my life

 **ugly ass Noodlehead™** : join the club

 **Josie** : so it's settled

 **Josie** : bye I need to write a stupid proposal

 **_Josie_ ** _has left the chat_

 **Cass:** I'm leaving as well. I have calls to make.

 **_Cass_ ** _has left the chat_

 **ugly ass Noodlehead™** : I have 3 essays to complete tonight bye

 **ugly ass Noodlehead™:** good luck with your date sera

 **The Iron Bull** : she's gonna have sex and ur Netflix will play a large part

 **ugly ass Noodlehead™:** i hate all of you

 **_ugly ass Noodlehead™_ ** _has left the chat_

 **Dorian** : are u going to leave as well Leliana

 **Leliana** : u don't need to know that

 **Dorian** : that's correct as well

 **_Leliana_ ** _has left the chat_

 **Krem Brûlée** : i hope Sera’s coming over or smth bc I'm not driving to her place

 **Sera** : KREM I've 20 mins till my date I NEED U TO COME OVER

 **Krem Brûlée** : u are the worst person I have ever met in my life and I'm never texting u again

 **Sera** : ur the BEST kremishsushd aclajshsh

 **Krem Brûlée** : burn in hell

 **Solas** : You did say “God is a social construct”, did you not, Kremisius? In that reasoning, hell would not exist.

 **Krem Brûlée** : Hell is where sera exists

 **Sera** : (-:

 **Krem Brûlée** : I'll be at your place in 15 but after that delete my number, delete this app, throw your phone away

 **_Krem Brûlée_ ** _has left the chat_

 

 **The Iron Bull** : i love happy endings

 **_Lavellan_ ** _has entered the chat_

 

 **Lavellan** : Woah hey guys what is this

 **Lavellan** : I just got back from The Hinterlands

 **Lavellan** : AWW a group chat !!??

 **Dorian** : LAV

 **Dorian** : Sera made a gc bc she needed a clean shirt for her date

 **The Iron Bull** : Krem is lending her his shirt

 **Dorian** : also at some point we kicked Blackwall out

 **Lavellan** : is it because of that time he thought I was hitting on him

 **Lavellan** : did sera get irrationally angry at him after a while?

 **Dorian** : it's almost like you were always here !

 **Lavellan** : where's everyone else?

 **Solas** : Cullen is busy with assignments, Josephine has a proposal to write, Vivienne is breaking someone’s heart, Kremisius is driving to Sera’s place, Leliana has things to do that we're not aware of, Cassandra has calls to make. This is what I remember, at least.

 **Lavellan** : thanks Solas

 **Dorian** : Hey Lav, now that you're back, wanna go watch a movie?

 **The Iron Bull** : im not watching Rogue One again Dorian

 **Dorian** : how DARE you?? That movie is a MASTERPIECE

 **Sera** : lmao NERDS

 **Dorian** : say it to MY FACE SERA

 **Sera** : I will literally knock on your door at 2 am to call you a nerd to your face

 **Dorian** : stfu

 **Sera** : also hi Lav

 **Lavellan** : have fun on your date sera!!!

 **Sera** : sbhsSGHS SHE’S HERE

 **Lavellan** : GO GO HAVE FUN

 **Dorian** : DON’T NETFLIX N CHILL

 **The Iron Bull** : DO NETFLIX N CHILL

 **_Sera_ ** _has left the chat_

 **Lavellan** : okay fam I gotta go unpack

 **Dorian** : bye Lav rest well now

 **The Iron Bull** : BYE LAV

 **_Lavellan_ ** _has left the chat_

 **Dorian** : babe

 **The Iron Bull** : im right beside u why are we texting

 **Dorian** : so people know how cute we are

 **The Iron Bull** : tru

 **Solas** : Your affection is heartening. You are both indeed cute.

 **Dorian** : no thanks

 **_Dorian_ ** _has left the chat_

 **_The Iron Bull_ ** _has left the chat_

 **Solas** : Alright then.

 **_Solas_ ** _has left the chat_

 

[2:07 am]

 **_Dorian_ ** _has entered the chat_

 **Dorian** : SERA U PIECE OF TRASH I CANT BELIEVE U ACTUALLY CAME TO MY HOUSE

 **Dorian** : I HATE U

 **_Sera_ ** _has entered the chat_

 **Sera** : good night NERD

 


	2. How Do I Get Out Of This Mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Josie gets in trouble, Krem helps Sera again for the 32519th time, and just good ol' love and support from the team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Anxiety, panic attacks. Just references to them, nothing in-depth.

[4:34 pm]

**_Josie_ ** _has entered the chat_

**Josie** : any of u here know how to get out of a mess you accidentally got yourself into?

**_Krem Brulee_ ** _has entered the chat_

**Krem Brûlée** : What happened

**Josie** : a whole shit storm

**Krem Brûlée** : EXPlain

**Josie** : I’m still reeling & annoyed at the fact that I don’t know how to say no to authority

**Krem Brûlée** : are u gonna sleep with ur manager

**Josie** : NO fuck u krem

**Krem** **Brûlée** : ok

**_Cass_ ** _has entered the chat_

**_Leliana_ ** _has entered the chat_

**Cass** : Who’s sleeping with who

**Leliana** : I only entered this chat because I got the notif saying someone is sleeping with someone else,, and I’m here for the DIRT

**Josie** : I’m not sleeping with anyone wtf

**Leliana** : You’re a letdown

**Cass:** Then what’s the issue?

**Josie** : My manager asked me if I wanted to take on new clients to help boost our standing on the list of current PR companies

**Krem** **Brûlée** : Oh no

**Krem** **Brûlée** : You’ve been complaining for like ever about how annoying your current clients already are

**Josie** : EXACTLY, but my dumb ass panicked and said okay to him and now I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO

**Cass** : How many new clients?

**Josie** : THREE

**Leliana** : I don’t speak PR is 3 clients a lot?

**Josie** : 3 clients per se is ALRIGHT but I’ve already got THREE OF MY OWN

**Krem** : damn

**Josie** : I wanna die

**Krem** **Brûlée** : OK Cullen

**Josie** : I’m honestly SO ANNOYED because out of my three clients, one is a lazy ass writer who sits at home all day and doesn’t do shit but posts unnecessarily instigative things online and gets dragged by twitter and RUINS HIS OWN REPUTATION

**Josie** : The other is a complete HEADASS who keeps asking me out even though I’ve turned him down like 17 times, AND his date ideas aren’t even good, he just wants to bring me to his place to show me his sports trophies I’M DONE

**Krem** **Brûlée** : I don’t think that’s the only trophy he wants to show you (;

**Josie** : shut

**_Ugly Ass Noodlehead™_ ** _has entered the chat_

**Josie** : The third one is the only one who seemingly has his life under control, but I’m so TIRED

**Josie** : I really don’t have time for this bs

**Josie** : I sleep like 4 hours a day

**Ugly** **Ass Noodlehead™** : relatable content

**_Lavellan_ ** _has entered the chat_

**Josie** : Lav help

**Lavellan** : I just read everything! I’m so sorry you’re in this mess!

**Leliana** : do u want me to find shit about your manager I can do it and then u can blackmail him into shutting up

**Krem Brûlée** : our very own mercenary

**Leliana** : I’ll do it Josie just say the word

**Josie** : NO I mean I can’t do anything illegal you know how much I fear consequences & the possibility of losing my job

**Josie** : actually I’m pretty sure my manager asked me specifically because he knew I wouldn’t say no

**Josie** : God damn it I hate wanting to please all my superiors ffs

**_Solas_ ** _has entered the chat_

**Solas** : It seems that there isn’t much of a choice than to accept your fate, Josephine.

**Dorian** : fuck u solas

**The Iron Bull** : We’re gonna save her

**Cass** : I’ll beat your manager up

**Josie** : cass no

**Cass** : I’ll beat your clients up

**Krem Brûlée** : I don’t think that’s how PR management teams work

**Dorian** : I don’t think u work

**Krem Brûlée** : hey screw u I’m looking for a job U CAN’T BLAME ME FOR FRICTIONAL UNEMPLOYMENT

**Lavellan** : That’s true actually frictional unemployment levels are at an all time high currently

**Krem Brûlée** : U hear that Dorian?? If you’re so concerned about my vocational status maybe U SHOULD GIVE ME A JOB

**Dorian** : ALRIGHT god damn I’m SORRY

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : can you believe my girlfriend is well-versed in economics concepts

**Leliana** : we all know she only knows these things because you read your essays out to her

**Dorian** : what type of foreplay is this

**Lavellan** : I don’t judge your kinks Dorian DON’T JUDGE CULLEN’S

**Dorian** : Why is everyone trashing me today?? Where’s Sera?? She’d be on my side

**The Iron Bull** : Babe I’m on your side

**Dorian** : DOESN’T LOOK LIKE IT

**Dorian** :  YOU HAVEN’T SPOKEN UP FOR ME SINCE THEY STARTED GANGING UP ON ME

**The Iron Bull** : babe you’re curled up against my side and I’m kissing your head

**Leliana** : aw

**Lavellan** : Aww

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : aww

**Krem Brûlée** : awww

**Solas** : That is adorable.

**Krem Brûlée** : u broke the damn sequence solas

**Cass** : Aww

**Dorian** : Ok fine tru

**_Sera_ ** _has entered the chat_

**Sera** : WASSUP NERDS

**Dorian** : Cullen say hi back, don’t be rude

**_STEP ON ME MOM_ ** _has entered the chat_

**STEP ON ME MOM** :  Hey kids

**The Iron Bull** : Viv, are you ever going to change your name here

**STEP ON ME MOM** : I like it the way it is

**The Iron Bull** : okay

**STEP ON ME MOM** : Josie I told you to be confident in yourself! You have to say no!

**Josie** : I know but I full-on PANICKED

**Lavellan** : how is it that you get panic attacks when talking to your manager but not when you have to call like 15 people up on your client’s behalf everyday

**Lavellan** : Unrelatable

**Josie** : I’m just really afraid of disappointing my higher-ups

**Sera** : is this what happens when you’re royal and put too much of faith in the system of hierarchy

**Josie** : Not helping, Sera!

**Sera** : alright, give me your manager’s address I’ll deliver him a jar of bees and ‘accidentally’ break it at his front door

**Josie** : Can all of you stop trying to hurt my manager please

**Leliana** : why not

**Cass** : why not

**Sera** : why not

**Josie** : I’m not answering this again

**_Blackbeard Stan_ ** _has entered the chat_

**Blackbeard Stan** : How Can I Be Of Assistance In This Matter?

**Sera** : just exit this group, delete this app, turn off your phone and throw it away

**Blackbeard Stan** : {)}-:

**Krem Brûlée** : Sera did u just use my trademarkt come back that I used on YOU on blackwall

**Dorian** : why does your smiley look so funny

**Blackbeard Stan** : It Has A Beard

**Dorian** : Even the smiley isn’t free of your terrible facial hair choices

**STEP ON ME MOM** : I love how we’re just continuously dragging Blackwall

**Sera** : be careful viv don’t use the words “love” and “blackwall” in the same sentence

**Josie** : I think Solas is right, guys. I don’t really have a choice but to suck it up and do my job

**Dorian** : Incorrect. Solas is never right

**Krem Brûlée** : RT dorian

**Josie** : I’m just going to make it really clear to my clients: if they behave like headasses, they’re gonna get treated like headasses

**Josie** : and I’m going to start taking a stand whenever my manager suggests things to me

**Josie** : I’m going to try working against my anxiety.

**STEP ON ME MOM** : That’s a good idea, Josie.

**Lavellan** : I support this! But please let us know if your work gets too stressful, we’ll always be here to help get some of the load off

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : definitely

**Solas** : Of course, Josephine.

**Sera** : You’ve got us, Josie! I’ll send bees to your clients if you need me to

**Dorian** : Bull and I are very proud of you Josie (:

**Leliana** : I’ll find dirt on all your clients

**Josie** : please don’t do that Leliana my job is to cover up the dirt

**Leliana** : oh right ya

**Cass** : I’m at your disposal, Jo

**Krem Brûlée** : I’m here for you Josie

**Blackbeard Stan** : Help Will Always Be Provided, Josephine.

**Josie** : Aww you guys

**Josie** : Thank you so much for this (-: Your support means the world to me (-:

**Josie** : BTW Sera how did your date go

**Sera** : oh I guess u could say we

**Sera** : Netflix’d n chill’d (;

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : I’m leaving

**Dorian** : what do u mean “i guess u could say” ?? Isn’t that exactly what u did

**The Iron Bull** : you even came to our door and drunk-talked about how great your date was

**Dorian** : and that y’all watched Shrek

**Leliana** : are u kidding me

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : I really don’t need confirmation please keep this to yourself sera

**Sera** : YEAH she was AMAZING we watched shrek and sang along to All Star and then we started making out

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : i

**Dorian** : beautiful

**Sera** : oh right Krem I gotta return your shirt

**Cass** : Sure you didn’t RIP IT APART or something

**Sera** : that was ONE time CASS

**Cass** : You’re RIGHT and it’d be the LAST

**Krem Brûlée** : does this mean I’ll have to go to your dorm to get my shirt back

**Sera** : Thanks Kremdewhfhe Aclsjshqw

**Krem Brûlée** : I hate this 

**Krem Brûlée** : Whatever I’m driving so I can go get food on the way

**Dorian** : I’m hungry

**The Iron Bull** : me too 

**Sera** : me too

**Josie** : me too I’ve only had wine today while crying about my mistakes 

**Krem Brûlée** : god damn it FINE I’ll pick you all up and we’re gonna get food

**The Iron Bull** : THANKS KREM BRULEE

**Krem Brûlée** : There are ACCENTS in Brûlée u ignorant TRASH

**Krem Brûlée** : everyone down in 10 minutes

**The Iron Bull** : <3

**_Sera_ ** _has left the chat_

**_Krem Brûlée_ ** _has left the chat_

**_Josie_ ** _has left the chat_

**_Dorian_ ** _has left the chat_

**_The Iron Bull_ ** _has left the chat_

**Blackbeard Stan** : I Can’t Believe I Wasn’t Invited

**STEP ON ME MOM** : You’re never invited, Blackwall

**Blackbeard Stan** : That’s True

**_STEP ON ME MOM_ ** _has left the chat_

**_Blackbeard Stan_ ** _has left the chat_

**Solas** : Leliana, Cassandra, Cullen, Lavellan, would you all like to go out for dinner?

**Leliana** : Suddenly I can’t read good night

**_Leliana_ ** _has left the chat_

**Cass** : Oh won’t you look at that?? I won’t because suddenly I can’t read either

**_Cass_ ** _has left the chat_

**Lavellan** : uh

**Lavellan** : Sure, Solas

**Solas** : Wonderful! I’ll be there in 15 minutes!

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : that’s just

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : wonderful

**_Solas_ ** _has left the chat_

**_Lavellan_ ** _has left the chat_

**_Ugly Ass Noodlehead™_ ** _has left the chat_

 

[3:25 am]

**_Josie_ ** _entered the chat_

**Josie** : WHICH ONE OF YOU SENT THREATS OF LAWSUITS ABOUT OVER-WORKING INTERNS TO MY MANAGER

**Josie** : HE APOLOGISED AND REVOKED THE NEW CLIENTS

**Josie** : I CAN’T BELIEVE ALL OF YOU

**_Leliana_ ** _entered the chat_

**_Krem Brûlée_ ** _entered the chat_

**_Sera_ ** _entered the chat_

**Leliana** : You’re welcome

**Sera** : ur wc

**Krem Brûlée** : you’re welcome

**Josie** : WHAT THE FUCK HOW MANY OF YOU DID THIS

**_Dorian_ ** _entered the chat_

**Dorian** : oops

**Dorian** : you’re welcome

**_Dorian_ ** _left the chat_

**_Krem Brûlée_ ** _left the chat_

**_Leliana_ ** _left the chat_

**_Sera_ ** _left the chat_

**Josie** : I hate you all

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has left kudos and/or comments!


	3. Meme Team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which memes (other than the entire Inquisition it itself) make an appearance, and Solas gets body snatchedt. Also, say hello to Varric.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO EVERYONE, I have so much to say.  
> A) I am so sorry for not posting for literally the past 4 months. I've just been so busy but I really don't have a proper excuse other than that so please accept this chapter as a deep, heartfelt apology.
> 
> B) I totally did NOT forget Varric all this while,, haha,.., what ?!??;, there's no PosSiBlE WaY
> 
> C) I'll try to update more often. I promise you won't have to wait 4 months for the next chapter!! If I'm really busy with work I'll be sure to announce that the next chapter will be slightly late on my twitter (@SATANNED) so LOOK OUT!! I'm definitely trying to be on time from now on though!!
> 
> D) I may or may not include every single character in each chapter due to the sheer number of characters. That being said, I'll definitely try to get all the characters in in 2 chapters.
> 
> E) Thank you all for the wonderful comments and bookmarks and kudos!! I really appreciate it (-': Ok, I'm done talking now.

**[2:10 am]**

_**Sera** has entered the chat _

**Sera** : what the FUCK is up, Krem

**Sera** : no what did you say

**Sera** : what the FUCK dude

**Sera** : step the FUCK up Krem

_**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** has entered the chat _

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : what did krem do

_**Krem Brûlée** has entered the chat _

**Krem Brûlée** : hwat the FUCK is happenjtn

**Krem Brûlée** : you kiterally woke me yp

**Krem Brûlée** : whatvdid i do

_**Dorian** has entered the chat _

**Dorian** : what bullshit did u get into krem sweetheart

**Krem Brûlée** : fuck if i kno w

**Sera** : uh oh! You friccin moron! You just got BEANED!!!

_**Sera** has sent an image: ujustgotbeanedmeme.jpeg _

**Krem Brûlée** : i

**Krem Brûlée** : nvm im goibg back to sleep i literally don;t have tje energy to deal w rhis

**Dorian** : sera do u name ALL ur memes so specifically

**Dorian** : I just have a meme folder that’s it

**Sera** : go hard or GO HOME ugly

**Dorian** : go hard?? Ok let me get Bull

**Sera** : BYE

**Krem Brûlée** : no

**Krem Brûlée** has left the chat

**Sera** has left the chat

**Dorian** : that was quick

**Lavellan** has entered the chat

**Lavellan** : Back at it again with the memes I see

**Dorian** : u bet!

**Lavellan** : Hey uh Dorian quick question

**Lavellan** : Who’s the new guy in our pol sci class

**Dorian** : oh

**Dorian** : that guy

**Dorian** : he’s a writer right

**Lavellan** : Yeah that’s why I’m asking

**Lavellan** : He writes for the Herald Daily I think

**Dorian** : bih tf

**Dorian** : I can’t even get a job at the fucking college café

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : relatable content

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : also hi I’m back I was trying to bribe the guy infront of me to add my laundry load to his

**Dorian** : why are u doing laundry at 2 am

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : u know my name not my story

**Lavellan** : Babe why are u doing laundry

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : I don’t have any other time in the day to do it and also I’m procrastinating my linguistics essay

**Lavellan** : I’m literally going to scream in your face Cullen why didn’t you just give me your laundry

**Dorian** : oH

**Dorian** : Lav did you want… Cullen’s load

**Lavellan** : I

**Lavellan** : Why Dorian

**Dorian** : this is payback for all the hetero jokes I’ve had to hear all my life

**Lavellan** : Ok understandable

**Lavellan** : Ok but sweetheart I'm coming over to your room after this I’m not letting you do the essay tonight

**Lavellan** : You need sleep

**Dorian** : u disgusting heteros

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : Dorian last night you sent multiple pics of Bull and you cuddling

**Dorian** : so?? Therefore? Your point being?? We’re cute so it’s ok

**Lavellan** : What Are You Insinuating About My Cullen Stanton Rutherford

**Dorian** : ok OK I’ll stop

**Lavellan** : (~:

_**Krem Brûlée** has entered the chat _

**Krem Brûlée** : can yall stfu n go ti slepp

**Dorian** : have u ever heard of autocorrect krem

**Krem Brûlée** : doea it eveb matter

**Dorian** : no, probably not

**Krem Brûlée** :good ngith

_**Krem Brûlée** has left the chat _

**Lavellan** : OK so anyway Dorian who’s the guy in our pol sci lectures

**Dorian** : I only know as much as u do

**Dorian** : I saw him debating with the prof yesterday after lecture though

**Lavellan** : WILD

_**Blackbeard Stan** has entered the chat _

**Blackbeard Stan** : Hello

**Blackbeard Stan** : Are You Referring To Varric Tethras

**Lavellan** : Is that the guy in our pol sci class?

**Dorian** : how do u know him

**Blackbeard Stan** : We Play Overwatch Together

**Dorian** : wtf

**Lavellan** : Add me into your team next time I’m on

**Blackbeard Stan** : Sure

**Dorian** : you’ve finally been useful Bwall

**Blackbeard Stan:** Well

**Dorian** : Ok thanks u can leave now

_**Blackbeard Stan** has left the chat _

_**Sera** has entered the chat _

**Sera** : ayo wassup

**Dorian** : what is it now sera

**Sera** : umm?? Ok ? Rude????

_**Solas** has entered the chat _

**Solas** : Greetings, everyone.

**Sera** : chill tf why can’t u say “hi uglies” like the rest of us instead of greetings

**Lavellan** : That’s actually just you who does that Sera

**Dorian** : Lav’s right

**Sera** : I came here to have a good time and to drag solas wtf

**Dorian** : try again next time

_**Sera** has sent an image: mockingspongebobmeme.jpg _

**Sera** : tRy AgaiN nExT TiMe

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : hey that’s the meme all the kids are using nowadays

**Lavellan** : We’re mostly the same age sweetheart, what do you mean kids

**Lavellan** : And Cass uses this meme very frequently so I’d suggest you avoid calling her a kid

**Dorian** : oHhH Cullen ur gonna die

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : I literally couldn’t ask for anything better

**Lavellan** : ffs where are you I’m leaving my room to find you

**Dorian** : yeah go get his Load **™** Lav

**Lavellan** : I’m murdering you Dorian

**Dorian** : (:

_**Blackbeard Stan** has entered the chat _

**Blackbeard Stan** : Would You Like Me To Add Varric To This Chat, Lavellan?

**Lavellan** : Oh sure I guess

_**Varric Tethras** has been added to the chat_

_**Blackbeard Stan** has left the chat_

**Dorian** : this is gonna be gold

_**Varric Tethras** has changed their name to **So wrong it’s write** _

**Dorian** : quirky

**So wrong it’s write** : Hey there

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : hi

**Lavellan** : Hello!!

**Dorian** : welcome to hell

**Solas** : Welcome to your tape.

_**Sera** has joined the chat_

**Sera** : that’s a disgusting show don’t ever try to make a joke again solas

**Lavellan** : That’s it anyone who quotes the show doesn’t get to play Overwatch with the team for a week

**Dorian** : agreed

**Dorian** : except for solas the penalty is tripled bc it’s solas

**So wrong it’s write** : Wait let me just get the consensus: everyone is just casually mean to Solas right?

**Sera** : that’s about right

**So wrong it’s write** : Sure

**Lavellan** : So Varric where are you from?

**So wrong it’s write** : I was born in Kirkwall but my family’s from Orzammar

**Dorian** : o kirkwall

**Dorian** : that’s wild

**So wrong it’s write** : that’s true

**So wrong it’s write** : Anyway I’m writing a thinkpiece about memes for THD… does anyone have any opinions?

**Sera** : AnYWaY i’M wrItinG a ThInkpiEce abOUt meMeS FoR tHd DoEs AnyoNe haVe aNy oPinIoNs

**So wrong it’s write** : Beautiful

**Dorian** : disgusting... doing work at 2 am...

**Dorian** : smell ya later hunnies I’m going to bed

**Dorian** : bull keeps nudging me to go to sleep

**Sera** : good night u gay

**Dorian:** u too sera

_**Dorian** has left the chat_

**Lavellan** : Wanna play OW with us tomorrow Varric?

**So wrong it’s write** : Sure alright

**Sera** : u disgusting gamers

**Lavellan** : You’re literally a tracer main Sera wyd calling us disgusting gamers

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : yeah that’s true

**Lavellan** : Cullen I stg where are you?? Pick up my calls!

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : sorry I was convincing the guy infront of me in this 7-11 to lend me his discount card

**Lavellan** : I could have just bought whatever it is for you?? Why are you like this

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : it’s 2 bottles of cheap wine

**Lavellan** : Were you honestly planning on getting drunk alone

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : maybe

**Lavellan** : Omg I could have bought a rosé for us to get drunk TOGETHER

**Sera** : hetero millennials of the 21st century

**Lavellan** : Cullen I’m omw

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : alrighty

**So wrong it’s write** : Why is it that these two sound like they’re really wholesome

**Sera** : that;s bc they are

_**STEP ON ME MOM** has joined the chat_

**STEP ON ME MOM** : helllo children

**STEP ON ME MOM** : henlo you stinky children

**STEP ON ME MOM** : go eat a tuition loan ugly

**Sera** : hey J

**STEP ON ME MOM** : I just browsed through the messages

**STEP ON ME MOM** : Hey Varric

**So wrong it’s write** : Hey Josephine

**Lavellan** : You both know one another?

**So wrong it’s write** : Oh. Oh yeah

**STEP ON ME MOM** : I’m a casual guest on his DnD podcasts

**Sera** : literally HWAT the FUKC

**Sera** : u play DnD??? I THOUGHT ITD BE TOO ‘’’’NERDY’’’’ FOR U

**Sera** : do u even know the number of times ive wanted to ask u to play but figured u were too cool for it

**STEP ON ME MOM** : HONEY, literally

**STEP ON ME MOM** : I play every 3 weeks or so

**Sera** : im dead & dying

**Lavellan** : Alright I just met Cullen and I’m going over to his room to get drunk and watch LOTR for the 9th time and then fall asleep

**Solas** : #Relationship goals.

**Sera** : what the fuck

**STEP ON ME MOM** : Wtf

**Sera** : solas honestly wtf who are u even

**STEP ON ME MOM** : What happened to you

**So wrong it’s write** : I’ve been here 15 minutes and even I know this is unnatural

**Sera** : and u used the hashtag wtong ugly there arent supposed to be spaces in hashtags

**Lavellan** : Ok i’m leaving before Solas sends the bee movie script

**Sera** : DONT GIVE HIM IDEAS

**Solas** : The Bee Movie?

**STEP ON ME MOM** : No thanks

**Sera** : NOP E

_**Sera** has left the chat _

_**Lavellan** has left the chat _

_**STEP ON ME MOM** has left the chat _

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : good night I can’t wait to get drunk with my gf

_**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** has left the chat _

**Solas** : I guess it’s just you and me, Varric.

**So wrong it’s write** : _**So wrong it’s write** has left the chat _

**Solas** : I am very perceptive and I’m aware you typed that out on your own, and that it was not a system generated notification of you leaving the chat.

**So wrong it’s write** : Oh ok

_**So wrong it’s write** has left the chat _

**Solas** : Oh well.

**Solas** : Y’all’s all sleepin’ on me.

**Solas** : Y’all’should’ve’n’t y’aint slept on me.

_**Sera** has entered the chat _

**Sera** : im literally TRYING to sleep solas shut up stop talking to urself

**Solas** : Good night, Sera.

**Sera** : by e

_**Sera** has left the chat _

_**Solas** has left the chat _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helllo I feed on your comments and I need sustenance. 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading!


	4. Are We Going To Play Overwatch As A Team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team plays Overwatch and has cookies. Blackwall tries to Make Jokes. Chaos ensues. What's new.  
> Here are everyone's mains:  
> Lavellan - Mercy  
> Cullen - Soldier  
> Josie - Symmetra  
> Blackwall - Orisa  
> Cassandra - Doomfist *  
> Leliana - Widowmaker  
> Solas - Zenny *  
> Dorian - Lucio  
> Bull - Zarya  
> Krem - Moira  
> Sera - Tracer  
> Varric - Hanzo  
> Vivienne - Hanzo  
> Cole - Sombra  
> * Cass and Solas aren't here for this chapter but rest assured they're happily playing OW with good wholesome teams that are all on mic <3

**[9.23 PM]**

**_So wrong it’s write_ ** **has entered the chat**

 

**So wrong it’s write** : Whomst online on PSN

 

**_Leliana_ ** **has entered the chat**

 

**Leliana:** me

 

**_Blackbeard Stan_ ** **has entered the chat**

 

**Blackbeard Stan** : I Am Online

**Blackbeard Stan** : Are We Going To Play Overwatch As A Team

 

**_Lavellan_ ** **has entered the chat**

 

**Lavellan** : I’ll be watching over you!

**Leliana:** hey Lav how are u handling the Mercy changes

**Lavellan:** I hate it what’s new

 

**_Sera_ ** **has entered the chat**

 

**Sera:** what’s up pretty GIRLS

**Sera:** and Varric

**Blackbeard Stan** : What About Me

**Sera:** who

 

**_Ugly Ass Noodlehead™_ ** **has entered the chat**

 

**Lavellan:** hey cutie

**Sera:** heteros 

**Lavellan:** I’m online btw

**Sera:** ya me too sry I got distracted by the cute girls

**Leliana:** What did you just call me 

**Sera:** deadly and cute* I meant no disrespect 

**Leliana:** that’s better

**So wrong it’s write** : do we have a tank

**Blackbeard Stan** : I’m An Orisa Main

**So wrong it’s write** : heals?

**Lavellan:** here!

**So wrong it’s write** : DPS scum?

**Sera:** you call I answer 

**Leliana:** spider snipes

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : Soldier

**Lavellan:** what do you play Varric?

**So wrong it’s write** : Hanzo

**Sera:** and u call us scum

**Sera:** fuckin disgusting 

 

**_STEP ON ME MOM_ ** **has entered the chat**

 

**STEP ON ME MOM** : did I just hear 2 snipers on one team

**STEP ON ME MOM** : failures

**So wrong it’s right** : what do you play Viv

**STEP ON ME MOM** : Pharah

**Leliana:** fuckin hell

**Sera:** I would willingly walk into ur justice

**STEP ON ME MOM** : that’s appreciated sera

 

**_Dorian_ ** **has entered the chat**

 

**Dorian:** I saw Viv started texting so I’m here

**Sera:** fuckin rude ass bitch

**Dorian:** lucio main here let’s go

**So wrong it’s write** : you guys really have healer mains??

**Dorian:** yes u wanna fight

**So wrong it’s write** : I wouldn’t dream of it

**So wrong it’s write** : anyway at this rate we’re gonna have to make a custom game

**So wrong it’s write** : y’all mind if I inv my friend??

**So wrong it’s write** : he’s kinda soft spoken which means sera needs to not be the person doing the talking

**Lavellan:** I’m on it

**Sera:** YALL ARE SO FUCKIN RUDE I CAN BE NICE

**Dorian:** sure sera

**Sera:** I CAN BE NOT AGGRESSIVE

**Blackbeard Stan** : That’s Not Entirely True 

**Sera:** FUCK U BLACKWALL DIE IN A DITCH

 

**_Krem Brûlée_ ** **has entered the chat**

 

**Krem Brûlée** : what’s up friends, loved ones, Bull-Fucker

**Dorian:** hi to u too

 

**_Cool_ ** **has entered the chat**

 

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : who

**Cool:**  Oh god my name got autocorrected

 

**_Cool_ ** **changed their name to** **_Cole_ **

 

**STEP ON ME MOM** : hello darling, have we met you before?

**Cole:** Uhmm I don’t think so

**So wrong it’s write** : guys this is Cole

**So wrong it’s write** : Cole this is guys

**Sera:** Hi Cold

**Cole:** Hey

**Cole:** Also it’s Cole haha

**Sera:** whatever Cody

**Lavellan:** hi Cole! What do you play?

**Cole:** Oh I play Sombra

**Cole:** Also I’m not going to speak much on mic but I’ll be hearing your callouts… if thats fine?

**Leliana:** that works

 

**_The Iron Bull_ ** **has entered the chat**

 

**The Iron Bull** : What are we doing

**Blackbeard Stan** : We Are About To Play Overwatch

**The Iron Bull** : Do you need a tank?

**So wrong it’s write** : Of course big guy

**Dorian:** O.K. keep it in your pants bull’s taken

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : who’s making the custom match

**So wrong it’s write** : I am

 

**_Josie_ ** **has entered the chat**

 

**Dorian:** hey J

**Lavellan:** I haven’t seen you all day!

**Sera:** are we speaking in rhymes now

**Dorian:** Guess what we’re gonna play

**Sera:** it’s overwatch. Just overwatch. Stop rhyming

**Ugly** **Ass Noodlehead™** : that’s three whole punctuations in that text sera I’m so proud of u

**Sera:** I hate rhymes and poetry

**Josie:** piss off I was a bard once

**Sera:** oh what happened??? Everyone HATED your rhymes like they’re SUPPOSED TO???

**Josie:** I accidentally killed a man

**Leliana:** what the fuck

**Krem Brûlée** : what kinda songs were u singing damn

**Josie:** no this guy tried to stab me and I pushed him down some stairs

**Josie:** ‘some’ meaning like a kinda long flight of stairs

**Dorian:** …

**Josie:** O.K. like a really long flight of stairs

**The Iron Bull** : Nice job Josie!

**Leliana:** yeah I’m really proud of you

**Cole:** Uhhhh

**Sera:** yeah WHATEVER chad

**Cole:** Wait are you talking to me? I really can’t tell sorry. Because that’s not my name...

**Sera:** yeah ok Cody

**Lavellan:** Josie, meet Cole! Cole, meet Josie!

**Lavellan:** I promise you we don’t just casually talk about murder very often

**Dorian:** yeah it’s kind of like an occasional thing only

**Krem** **Brûlée** : on good days we talk about mass murders one of us may have committed!

**Leliana:** did I ask u to fucking out me Krem

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : wait WHAT

**Leliana:** nothing. 

**STEP ON ME MOM** : I understand you’re all having fun with this conversation but are we going to play or not

**So wrong it’s write** : OKAY IM DONE! FINALLY! Everyone accept my invite

**Sera:** better pray to your GODS that you’re not on my opposing team Kremjdhdd Aclskgsjd

**Cole:** Do you… always do that

**Krem Brûlée** : join the club Cole

 

**[10:03 PM]**

 

**Lavellan** : That was a good game everyone!

**Sera:** you say that only because you WON

**Dorian:** NICE walls and teleporter Josie

**Dorian:** you saved my ass like 5 times

**Sera:** Your sniping is a plague Leliana

**Leliana:** sorry I can’t hear you all the way from spawn

**Leliana:** which you were in 17 times in the past 30 minutes

**Leliana:** because of me

**The Iron Bull** : Ok whoever I bubbled owes me a drink

**The Iron Bull** : I’m the best zarya ever

**Dorian:** you’re the best zarya ever babe

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : Lav sorry I had to kill you multiple times

**Lavellan:** It’s okay babe when we’re on opposing teams youre my enemy whose blood I will drink

**Sera:** the hets have some rly messed up foreplay

**Blackbeard Stan** : That Was A Good Game Everyone

**Sera:** whatever u got carried

**Josie:** you would have died like 20 more times if lav wasn’t there healing you

**Blackbeard Stan** : Carried? As a Tank? Wouldn’t That Be Heavy? Hahaha

**Sera** : what thre fucvk

**Sera:** was that a joke

**Sera:** im gonna pay u a visit to show u what a joke is

**So wrong it’s write** : ANYWAY how amazing was Cole! 

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : you did great Cole

**Cole:** Thank you..! Haha

**Krem Brûlée** : yeah I went after sera’s 20hp ass whenever you hacked her

**Sera:** fuck off Kremdejw Aclasjsd

**Josie:** Cole you managed to get my turrets down within 20 seconds of them going up… a legend

**STEP ON ME MOM** : smh you always disappeared the moment I had my eyes on you

**Cole:** Oh haha… just lots of hours on sombra really

**Cole:** And Leliana’s infra-sight really helped most of the time!

**Cole:** But thank you i guess :-)

**The Iron Bull** : well you’re right about that kid

**Dorian:** Leliana DOES have infra-sight

**So wrong it’s write** : ANYWAY i’m hungry who wants to get dinner

**Sera:** me pls

**So wrong it’s write** : Really sera?? Even after eating all my storm arrows?

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : Lav and I baked too many cookies just now

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : do y’all want some

**Krem Brûlée** : you’re a life saver

**Josie:** You guys baked at YOUR place??

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : god no I havent even got my leaking sink fixed

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : bold of u to assume I have a decent life LET ALONE AN OVEN

**Sera:** ok calm down sis

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : I need a cookie

**Lavellan:** Come over to my place if you want some!

**Lavellan:** And please get nuggets too

**STEP ON ME MOM** : I’ll bring the wine

**Sera:** were having cookies viv

 

**STEP ON ME MOM** : And?

**Sera:** nothign who said that?? i love cookies and wine

**Lavellan:** Cole please come too! Varric can tell you where I live!

**Cole:** Oh it’s okay I don’t want to intrude…

**Lavellan:** You’re not! Please come!

**So wrong it’s write** : I’ll pick him up! Be there in 20!

**The Iron Bull** : Dorian and I will be there! And ill pick Krem up too

**Sera:** what about me

**Krem Brûlée** : run over her bull

**Sera:** what the FUCK did i do to DESERVE this

**Krem Brûlée** : you have NEVER not ONCE spelled my name RIGHT

**Sera:** thats because of AFFECTION

**Krem Brûlée** : you say this when i THREATEN your life

**Josie:** I’m not coming! I have to be up early for a meeting tomorrow

**Josie:** Have fun everyone! 

**Leliana:** are you getting paid Josie?

**Josie:** I’m going to leave before one of you doxxes a client of mine AGAIN

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : Bye Josie we’ll save you a cookie

**Lavellan:** Bye josie! Good luck with the meeting!

 

**_Josie_ ** **has left the chat**

 

**Sera:** anyway Im never playing overwatch with kremremdnd acladjhfu ever again

**Krem Brûlée** : the feelings MUTUAL

**STEP ON ME MOM** : Kids, please.

**Sera:** ok mom

**Dorian:** that was quick sera

**The Iron Bull** : oooh kinky

**Leliana:** see yall in a bit

 

**_Leliana_ ** **has left the chat**

 

**Krem Brûlée** : we’ll pick up the nuggets

**Dorian:** what nuggets i’m the snack here

**The Iron Bull** : that’s true babe

**So wrong it’s write** : Cole and I are on our way!

**Cole:** ...See you soon!

 

**_So wrong it’s write_ ** **has left the chat**

 

**_Cole_ ** **has left the chat**

**STEP ON ME MOM** : Cullen, I take it you have a wine opener?

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : smashing the base of the bottle against a wall will do it

**Sera:** Why would you say something so controversial yet so brave?

**STEP ON ME MOM** : Heathen I will not let you “smash” my wine

**Krem Brûlée** : becky lemme smash

**Blackbeard Stan** : What Are We Smashing?

**Sera:** definitely not u blackwall

**Lavellan:** I’ll bring the wine opener!

**Krem Brûlée** : Sera it’s ur uber driver here. Am outside

**Sera:** ALRIGHT IM LEAVING MY PLACE 

**Sera:** EASE UP ON THE HORN BULL

**Lavellan:** Haha horn bull

**Dorian:** Bull can’t reply because hes driving but he just sighed and shook his head

**Lavellan:** My humour is being wasted on y’all

**Blackbeard Stan** : Your Humour Is Always Appreciated By Me, Lav.

**Sera:** calm down blackbeard she’s taken

**Blackbeard Stan** : Haha, By Liam Neeson?

**Sera:** just fucking leave the chat

**Blackbeard Stan** : I’ll Be There Soon.

**_Blackbeard Stan_ ** **has left the chat**

 

**STEP ON ME MOM** : Wine is entering the building.

**Lavellan:** you’re here already?!

**Sera:** viv on a scale from 1 to Yes how much of an excuse to drink is this cookie meetup

**STEP ON ME MOM** : Yes.

**_STEP ON ME MOM_ ** **has left the chat**

 

**Krem Brûlée** : We’re turning in to your place Lav

**Lavellan:** Sweet! Viv just got here too!

 

**_The Iron Bull_ ** **has left the chat**

**_Dorian_ ** **has left the chat**

**_Krem Brûlée_ ** **has left the chat**

 

**Sera:** now that krem isn’t here i can shit talk him

 

**_Krem Brûlée_ ** **has entered the chat**

 

**Krem Brûlée** : I can literally SEE you typing right in front of me

**Krem Brûlée** : and you spelled my name right

**Sera:** no i didnt krermem acldjkd

**Krem Brûlée** : my victory was so short-lived

**Lavellan:** ALRIGHT get off your phones! Real life communication time!

**Krem Brûlée** : says the one texting

**Lavellan:** I’m gonna confiscate both your phones

**Sera:** ok mom

**Krem Brûlée** : sera AGAIN really??

**Ugly Ass Noodlehead™** : I don’t blame sera

**Lavellan:** I’m getting off my phone

**Sera:** keep that between you and cullen omg

**Lavellan:** BYE

 

**_Lavellan_ ** **has left the chat**

**_Ugly Ass Noodlehead™_ ** **has left the chat**

**_Krem Brûlée_ ** **has left the chat**

 

**Sera:** let it be known that krenjhj acldejdj sucks ass

 

**_Krem Brûlée_ ** **has entered the chat**

 

**Krem Brûlée** : that’s a good thing

**Sera:** fuck ur right

**_Krem Brûlée_ ** **has left the chat**

**_Sera_ ** **has left the chat**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's true I'm alive. It's been so long... I am so SORRY please take this as an APOLOGY.


End file.
